Recently when we went down to see our house , we discovered that it was already in the lock-up stage... oh no! Hubby circled the perimeter to see if there was an outlet in... but everything was securely locked up! Which is good of course. At least we know the builders are taking responsible to ensure that the house and contents are safe and secure. But how were we to get inside to have a peek at the latest developments??? Well, it was then discovered that I proved to be a useful 'tool' at this stage. With my small hands and wrists, I was able to squeeze my hand through the knob hole and unlock the door. Now you see what I have to endure! But it was great to see the progress they've been making. They've started installing the fittings and appliances in. So the bathroom sinks and taps are in, as well as the kitchen appliances. And of course my beautiful corian kitchen benchtop! This is me having a moment imagining myself using my new kitchen... Some close ups of the new a...

Saturday morning, I was forced to drag my sleepy and tired self out of bed at 7.15am (Aaarrrrghhhh!!! Saturdays are meant for sleeping in!!!!!!). Culprit??? No one else but by my dear hubby. WHY????? Answer: Canning Vale Markets. So half an hour later I found myself walking in the slightly chilly air toward the entrance of the fruit and veg warehouse of the markets. Aaahhh... haven't been here in a while. But things are still the same. Surrounded by black haired folks in the mad scramble for the most unspoilt piece of melon, cabbage heads, carton of apples etc. etc. etc. Because of the tremendously cheap price, we ALSO left the place with some fresh produce:- rockmelons, leafy chinese greens, garlic and cabbages... which we split amongst ourselves and hubby's colleagues who were with us. After that we proceeded to the fish markets. I had never been inside this section before, so this was something new! There I was armed with plastic gloves, perusing and pressing fish for qualit...

I think am generally a very safe and cautious person. Particularly when it comes to emotions and personal weaknesses (which I rarely share). Most people are I suppose. Grief is a complex thing to go through. Maybe it's just me. But maybe for you too. Particularly when in involves more then one person. This is probably a little difficult to share. But then it occured to me that others may face similar difficulties as well. I don't know... maybe I am alone in this as well. Usually, I tend to put a brave and strong face to most difficulties. But in this case I thought I'd to come out and be completely honest... We all have different ways of handling grief. Agree? Usually it works well when we are walking different paths in life. But what if two people are walking the same path together? That's when things get a little complex I guess. Not only in the different ways of handling the grief, but maybe even the whole reaction and emotion toward the grievous situation itself is ...

Pics from our latest excursion to our house under construction Bathroom tiling and laminates Laundry Tiling I've been agonising over the colour scheme. Did I make the right choice? Does it blend? Why did I choose this selection? Will it wear well? Hubby is very patient in assuring me again and again that it looks great. If only it were that easy for me.

I had been craving for the buttermilk buns from Menggatal near my hometown in Sabah. Mum used to buy some for afternoon tea on her way home from work. Just thinking about the warm soft bread filled with the sweet butter filling... mmmmm!!! * shivers in pleasure * Unfortunately, being very far away from my hometown at present, I decided to make my own. This is the recipe I followed: For the bread dough 2 and 1/4 cups - high protein bread flour 1/4 cups - refined plain flour 1/2 cup - caster sugar 2 and 1/2 teaspoon - skim milk powder 2 and 1/2 teaspoons - yeast 1/2 cup - warm water 1 teaspoon - salt 30g - butter (room tempreature) 1 small egg Combine all ingredients except butter and knead to a soft dough. Then add butter and continue kneading until elastic. If dough feels sticky, do not add flour, just continue kneading until the dough comes together (don't worry, it will!) Prove dough for about 2 hours - i.e. set aside dough to rise in a covered bowl or container. After first prov...

More excited whisperings in church today as a dear sister shared her newly discovered pregnancy. The heart does strange things. It really is possible to feel two completely opposite emotions at the exact same moment. In the split second when the joyful news was whispered to me, I felt a real and true genuine warmth and rejoicing (how can I not, because I can completely relate to the happiness and simple joy of just knowing that you carry a tiny little life inside you. It's absolutely amazing). And within the very same moment, I also felt a kind of pain... a very small one... like a stab of a needle right into that tender spot. But I know there is nothing I can change. * Sigh * Well just with any declaration of hurt or pain made in a public space, one always needs to qualify such a statement. And this I firmly say with my hand on my heart: That I hold NO malice or jealousy or any hate whatsoever in hearing this news. So I beg you please not to read into this for more than what it is...

I am happy overall. God is good. There's still a tiny spot in the smallest corner of my heart that still resonates with a soft sadness once in a long while. A teeny tiny thought crosses my mind... and then inside I feel something like a wrong note in a string of music, or something out of place in a beautiful picture... it's difficult to explain exactly... but just something like... a kind of raw feeling? I reread a couple of loving messages which help soothe this rawness. Sweet lines jotted down by Irene... A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam. for a brief moment, its glory and beauty belonged to our world. It then flies on again. Though we wish it could have stayed, we are blessed to have seen it... And thoughts from Wini... ...as I read the posts of your blog, I can totally feel the hope and peace you feel yet not in denial! I was not in denial when I was at peace. I cried heaps for my baby had died. It was just right to mourn. It isn't just a lump of fetus that c...

I've heard of the 'empty nest syndrome' when babies leave the nest. When I first read this poem, that was how I interpreted it. But I could never really understand the second verse... most poems are open to interpretation by the reader. So now I read this poem in a very different way. Cradle Song What does little birdie say In her nest at peep of day? Let me fly, says little birdie, Mother, let me fly away. Birdie, rest a little longer, Till thy little wings are stronger. So she rests a little longer, Then she flies away. What does little baby say, In her bed at peep of day? Baby says, like little birdie, Let me rise and fly away. Baby, sleep a little longer, Till thy little limbs are stronger. If she sleeps a little longer, Baby too shall fly away. (Alfred, Lord Tennyson)

So things are progressing with our house. They've finished plastering the outside of the house. The workers have now taken the activity inside the house and during our last site visit, we were pleased to see that all tbe cabinets and laminates have been installed. To help you see the difference, here is a snapshot of what the area looked like BEFORE... And here's what it looks like NOW. Unfortunately, I'm now suffering from buyer's remorse. As I walk through the house, I keep thinking repeatedly "Did I make the right colour choice? Did I? Did I???" ... Haaaiiiiz.... Everything still looks half done, so some of the things look weird. I seriously hope that when everything comes together, it will look perfect (to me). They've also just started the tiling for the bathrooms and laundry area which I will have pics of the next time we visit.

Yesterday at cell, I shared about what we had been going through over the past week. ( ...was it really only last week that it all happened? A lot has changed since then... ) I thought I would be fully calm and composed by now. But in the midst of the sharing, I couldn't stop the choking feeling in my throat as I recounted the chain of events and affirmed God's faithfulness through it all. Truly He has been my strength. And truly I have been riding on the wings of prayers of many loved ones these past couple of weeks. For yesterday's worship, I chose one of my favourite songs "Yet Will I Praise Thee" which the familiar refrain is repeated throughout Psalm 42... "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God" ...My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"... ...Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,...

Yesterday's surgery was a new and interesting experience for me even though parts of it were slightly uncomfortable or unpleasant. After waiting an hour or so, a doctor finally saw us. He did another ultrasound to review my case and confirm the initial diagnosis. And although it's sad, he confirmed that there was really no heartbeat left in the gestational sac. So we scheduled to get a D&C done that day itself. We had to go through all the standard paperwork, and sign consent forms after having the procedure explained to us in detail. The doctor was very nice and patient in answering our questions and helping us understand what to expect. After all that, the first thing they did was to put an IV needle into my wrist. This was not very pleasant. (Above pic not mine - for illustration purpose. Source: Wikipedia) The nurse prodded my arm and pressed my veins for a while before she declared that she was not confident to do it. She pulled back the curtains and called out "...

Different people have different ways of coping with grief. A few months ago, I had brought over this classic volume of poetry that I think used to be my mum's. I had wanted to read out some of my favourite verses aloud to the little life growing in me... to share some of the music of words that I thrilled to in these lines. But I guess it was not to be. As I flicked through the pages of verses, I came across some familiar words that just expressed so aptly, the anguish I was feeling inside. I find a kind of release in these words that described my precise thoughts and feelings. Tears, Idle Tears Alfred, Lord Tennyson Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean, Tears from the depth of some divine despair Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes, In looking on the happy Autumn-fields, And thinking of the days that are no more... I Shall Know Why Emily Dickinson I shall know why, when time is over, And I have ceased to wonder why; Christ will explain each separate anguish In the fa...

Thank you for the chicken soup, the pumpkin soup, the flowers, the phonecalls, the messages, the prayers, and simple care and concern. In the spirit of the saying that we should engrave the loving deeds of friends upon the stone of the memory of the heart, where no wind can erase it ... I've posted up a photo of the meal Diana prepared and brought over for me. It was meant for only me, but it was quite a lot of food so I shared it with hubby. I'm sure the husband needs some comfort as well! :)

After some thought. I decided to publish these thoughts which I've been journalling over the past few weeks. These are still precious thoughts which I don't want to simply throw away. And by sharing it, maybe it will help someone else out there who might have gone through or is going through a similar situation. 6th July Been suspecting for a couple of weeks since I missed my period. Hubby was inclined to just sit back "moi kan cheong" and take it slowly. But I've been getting more and more restless each day. So I finally decided to do a home pregnancy test. So this morning when I woke up, I sneaked quietly out of bed to the toilet, test kit in hand, collected my pee and dipped the test strip in my pee according to the attached intructions. I waited breathlessly as the waves of pink colour washed across the strip... one strip... and and and... is that a second strip I see??? I waited another minute just to make sure the second strip didn't disappear. But there...

From the team at work... Was looking forward to a promotion at work. But a worrying thought crossed my mind. Will they think me weak because of this and not give me the promotion? "Haiya... people here will not be so discriminatory" said Diana. "I don't know... they've never had to deal with this situation before. Sending a few flowers is a totally different thing from honouring their word" said hubby. How??? *Sigh* But receiving the flowers still felt very nice.

Break, break, break, On thy cold grey stones, O Sea! And I would that my tongue could utter The thoughts that arise in me, O well for the fisherman's boy, That he sings for his sister at play! O well for the sailor lad, That he sings on his boat on the bay! And the stately ships go on To their haven under the hill; But O for the touch of a vanished hand, And the sound of a voice that is still! Break, break, break, At the foot of thy crags O Sea! But the tender grace of a day that is dead Will never come back to me. (Lord Tennyson)

This afternoon when I dropped by the fruit and veggie grocer, I caught side of these yummy rare treats (in Australia) for a bargain price (again in Australia) of $7.99 per kg. Couldn't help scooping up a couple of handfuls to enjoy later. If you unfortunately don't happen to know what these are... they are longans . These were good. Sweet and juicy. Me like.

For breakfast this morning, I made this precious little 'egg and ham toast muffins'. They're the easiest things to make and would brighten up any breakfast table. Lay thin pieces of wholemeal bread in muffin trays and toast lightly in the oven for 10-15 mins at 180 degrees celcius. Remove tray from oven and lay a piece of ham inside each toast and crack an egg over each one. Put back into the oven for another 10-15 minutes or until egg is cooked to your liking (e.g. maybe you like the yolk to be still runny) Sprinkle salt, pepper, herbs or grated cheese on top if desired. I woke up at 8am this morning to prepare this delightful treats. The guys in the house finally emerged from their bedrooms at around 9.30-10.00am onwards. I presented the little muffins to them but was met with general " *grunt*... uh, thanks " or " *grunt* what's this? ". * Crestfallen look * was hoping for a bit more enthusiasm. I think they are getting numb or jaded by my culina...