Since we had our plus one, 99% of conversations revolve around babies, parenting and baby stuff. I guess it's hard to avoid those topics when I'm holding the conversation piece right in my arms... especially when he's looking his best cute little self, which is pretty much all the time.
And then there are the folks who are "not into babies" whom I hardly ever speak to any more. One example I found painfully obvious was when a particular person I knew spoke not more than two words to me an entire evening at a dinner party. Even while sitting at an adjacent seat close by me and Nathan, he managed to avoid making any direct comments or remarks to me the entire time. He seemed almost a little disdainful of the fact that I morphed into this maternal creature. I had effectively become an irrelevant person to him in his world.
Maybe we never had much in common to begin with in the first place. But it got me thinking about how circles and network of people evolve as we change.
The change is even more underscored by the fact that I'm developing some crunchy parenting tendencies with all the cloth diapering, baby-wearing, sewing my own baby stuff and now considering extended breastfeeding and even toying with the idea of home-schooling (which then again might just turn out to be a pie-in-the-sky thinking). That leaves even less people whom I can talk to about such crunchy stuff.
In general, the friends here we spend the most time with are our cell group members in church. I love the people in this group, however sometimes it gets a little lonely being the only parents in this group (well lonely for me anyway, my hubby is probably fine either way). In fact most of my parenting conversations actually occur primarily on Facebook or via this blog. Is that strange or just plain sad?
But part of me doesn't want to fully admit this "change". I'd hate to be one of those people that seemingly "grow out" or "grow up" from a group. I don't want to be labelled as being smug or presumptuous. Why can't we just grow and move on in the same direction together? Why can't we just keep things simple and not make such a big deal?
Is it possible to evolve and change but at the same time keep some things the same way they have always been?
And then there are the folks who are "not into babies" whom I hardly ever speak to any more. One example I found painfully obvious was when a particular person I knew spoke not more than two words to me an entire evening at a dinner party. Even while sitting at an adjacent seat close by me and Nathan, he managed to avoid making any direct comments or remarks to me the entire time. He seemed almost a little disdainful of the fact that I morphed into this maternal creature. I had effectively become an irrelevant person to him in his world.
Maybe we never had much in common to begin with in the first place. But it got me thinking about how circles and network of people evolve as we change.
The change is even more underscored by the fact that I'm developing some crunchy parenting tendencies with all the cloth diapering, baby-wearing, sewing my own baby stuff and now considering extended breastfeeding and even toying with the idea of home-schooling (which then again might just turn out to be a pie-in-the-sky thinking). That leaves even less people whom I can talk to about such crunchy stuff.
In general, the friends here we spend the most time with are our cell group members in church. I love the people in this group, however sometimes it gets a little lonely being the only parents in this group (well lonely for me anyway, my hubby is probably fine either way). In fact most of my parenting conversations actually occur primarily on Facebook or via this blog. Is that strange or just plain sad?
But part of me doesn't want to fully admit this "change". I'd hate to be one of those people that seemingly "grow out" or "grow up" from a group. I don't want to be labelled as being smug or presumptuous. Why can't we just grow and move on in the same direction together? Why can't we just keep things simple and not make such a big deal?
Is it possible to evolve and change but at the same time keep some things the same way they have always been?
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You may evolve and keep the old contacts but with some selective effort. You need to accept that you will loose some but what you will gain is more interesting & beneficial to you. The "selective effort" means you may have to choose some to maintain and then effort is spent on maintaining it.
ReplyDeleteWhen friendship is trully mutual, it will come back to you even after a long while.
I neither grow up nor grow out of our friendship. =) For this I am grateful.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the words of wisdom, Doria.
ReplyDeleteAnd Irene, I am completely with you on this thought. Despite these "changes" that sometimes get me a little down, I can always pause and be grateful that I do have eternal friendships that stand the test of both time AND distance.
As your eternal long-time long-distance friend, please allow me to edit my previous comment. I can't stand it. =)
ReplyDelete"I've neither grown up nor grown out of our friendship."
There. I feel better. Thank you for accepting me as your friend. =)
Irene... I accept you. In fact, I didn't even blink an eye at the first comment :)
ReplyDelete