One last hard knock before moving on to 2017

It seems every year we always need to take one really hard knock before we can move on to the next year. This year’s share of hard knocks was probably more than others.

It was kind of a year of just buckling down and weathering through the storm…

We were down to a single income family this year (me being the primary breadwinner).

I dropped my phone, cracking the screen and had to pay out my existing phone contract to get a new one.

With the current bleak economic situation looming over everything, we got stuck between a rock and hard place with a number of our investments.

Hubs and I had to weather through a lot of ‘tough’ discussions throughout the year.

Then someone rear-ended me in my car and we had to navigate through the whole insurance game.

Towards the end of the year we were beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Right after Christmas I finally thought we were over the worst of it and could breathe easy. We were home free!

And then tragedy struck.

While we were out of the shops on boxing day, I let down my guard for less than a minute and ended up being a the victim of a merciless snatch thief.

My entire bag, with my phone, wallet, credit cards, cash… everything.

Just like that. My entire day (and my entire life at that moment) was utterly ruined.

The worst thing was the violation.

The feeling of vulnerability.

Helplessness.

Feeling naked and exposed.

Defeated.

The world felt so evil.

Bad guys won.

Good guys lost.

After a long, mortifying day of endless phonecalls. Canceling cards. Lodging reports. Driving around to see if there was any trace of the bag or remaining contents being tossed aside…

I lay in my bed. Unable to sleep.

A million thoughts and scenes and what-ifs replaying in my head again and again.

Could there be anything worse?

And then I remembered…

How I almost lost something infinitely more precious than this ‘stuff’.

Not once.

But five times this year.

Five times I let my guard down.

And almost lost this baby.

Five unforgivable crimes.

I never thought I would confess them here.

The incidents still sit on a very raw edge in my memory. All I can tell you is that they involve a couple of near drowning incidents, one involving a car seat, and two at the shops. You can probably infer the rough details from those bare facts. Perhaps one day I can recall and tell the stories freely without pain. But for now they serve to imprint in my heart the weight and value of one little life.

As I told my chicks:

If I lost you, I would cry every single day, forever.

But as for ‘stuff’.

I think I should be able to let them go.

It feels terrible to lose.

But as hubs said, all I need is one little ‘win’ to help me get past this loss.

I hope I will see more wins beyond the horizon.

For now, as long as I have these…

I am still winning.

 

There are of course other little wins scored along the way…

Like winning at the ukulele.

Finding work-life balance; and

Being able to spend more one-on-one time with this munchkin.

Sharing my booky-love with the kids.

New special family rituals.

Summer beach plays.

Discovering some local hidden gems.

And being good at my job.

 

Anyway after swimming through that whole potluck of the good, bad and ugly, I’m just so done with 2016.

Bring on 2017!